A few weeks back, upon walking into my favorite watering hole, I noticed a couple male friends huddled at the end of the bar engaged in what appeared to be a very serious discussion. After ordering my drink, one of them motioned me over, saying they needed to ask me a very serious question but didn’t want to offend me or have me think him as rude or vulgar…but “Where do girls pee from?” ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!! I somehow managed to maintain a serious face and not let on that I was really dying laughing on the inside as I retorted, “Well, not from the same hole we bleed from!” With what I’m sure was a small degree of embarrassment as well as amusement, “I know that, but I mean WHERE do you pee from? Is it from the clit, lower, etc.?”
Before I go on any further, I think it important to point out that the younger of my two friends is 40 years old. So here I sit, at a bar, engaged in a very serious, anatomical conversation, trying to explain to two grown men where girls pee from. I stopped just shy of drawing a vagina on a napkin for them, cause how would I explain that if anyone saw it, and who would believe me if I tried? Besides, I really suck at drawing, so lord only knows what it really would have looked like had I done so.
"So I drew a pussy on a napkin. What's the problem?"
Yeah, I just don't think if would have went over well.
When I finished my answer, my younger friend exclaims, “See! I told you! I made (his girlfriend’s name) show me!” That was a visual I really didn’t need, yet I found comical. I could just see them in this same serious conversation, her pants dropped, one leg hiked; him bent down examining her with a serious look saying, “I always thought girls peed from their clit.”
Until this conversation, I’d never really thought about how little guys really know about female anatomy. I mean with a guy it’s simple…this is the penis, this is the head, this is the shaft and we pee out of this little hole here. No mystery there. Men, however, aren’t the only ones baffled by this question. My daughter told me a couple weeks ago that one of her friends (16 years old) only recently realized that she could pee with a tampon in. Maybe her mom should have the “period talk” with her. I’d say it’s a little over due.
As I’m feeling all high and mighty thinking at least MY daughter knows where she pees from, the other night she tells me my son thought girls peed from their butts. REALLY?! Are you freaking kidding me? What the hell…I mean does he picture us like cattle lifting our tails and spraying. I guess that would give a whole new meaning to the term “wet fart”! (In his defense, he is only 11, and won’t get sex education until next year).
She goes on to tell me that they had a full debate on the matter and that she’d set him straight. Boy, how I’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation…or maybe I wouldn’t have. I do find myself wondering where he thinks we pee from now. With my daughter, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out she convinced him our penises pop out when you push the button in our armpit or something. She’s fantastically evil like that sometimes!
For all of you who missed 6th grade sex education…
the mystery is solved!